My last couple days at the hotel were like a blur. I had no idea how to process 4 years of my life and be ready to say goodbye. I had the opportunity to meet people from all over the world and all walks of life.
I once met a Jewish doctor from jersey who was returning back to his homeland to work with the poor and how the end of the world was coming. He mentioned to me that it made no logical sense for him to leave life here behind and go but he was listening to what God told him to do. He told me the importance of asking The Lord for clarity instead of asking why. All in all this was a strange man by the worlds standards but his words resonated in my soul.
Daily while working there I met people who encouraged my desire to travel and even people to encourage a path of destruction. Two days before I left I met a man who battled with God most of his life about wanting to become a professional gambler and being a Christian (I seriously can't make this stuff up!) and living in Las Vegas.
This man I will call Mr. J. He, like so many others before him, bore his soul to me. For some reason people find a complete sense of comfort with me and I always get two phrases "I don't know why I'm telling YOU this" and "I feel like I can tell you anything!" These phrases are something I have heard often both in my professional life and a lot in my personal life. Something happens to people when they find solace in talking to a stranger. It's as if they feel they will probably never see me again so why not bare their sou!
Mr. J began speaking to me and telling me his whole life story and how he came to know God. In the midst of our conversation I shared with him that I was also a born again Christian and that I could understand where he was coming from. This man asked me questions about my life, my job and my faith. I then chose to share with him that it was my last couple days here at the hotel. He asked me one question that until tonight didn't really click. He asked me why I was leaving and did I consult with God about my decision to leave my job.
I immediately responded with "of course!" Because, that is the truth! As a Christian having a relationship with God means I consult with God about EVERYTHING in my life. He also asked can I recognize when God is speaking to me. My answer again was, yes! For me I feel like when I ask The Lord for answers I hear him speak simultaneously as the requests are being uttered towards the heavens. In the last 5ish years I would say that is the case in every question I ask God.
Mr. J and I continued our conversation about our walks and he asked me how many children do I have. I told him 3 and and that one was with Jesus. I have no problem answering this question because I made peace with The Lord about taking my child to live with him. He asked me how I got through that. I told him that everyday I look at the face of my daughters and especially Penelope I know that THESE children were the ones I was meant to raise here on earth and he uses them to further refine me as HIS child.
Here's the deal I did not nessecarily want to leave the hotel. I had no reason. Lord knows financially it doesn't make a bit o' sense but I felt like God was telling me It was time. Why?!! And then I hear his voice because I have plans for your life that you don't know about yet. But, why!? When?! These are my questions and the answers I hear are "Because I told you to" and "Just be patient and you will know when it's time".
There are a couple areas of my life that I know God is working through and working out. I have a very rich and blessed life. I am a very complex person and my relationship with my Heavenly Father would be so much easier if I didn't constantly battle with him when he is trying to teach me something.
My little Penelope is the earthly metaphor for my walk with The Lord. God tells me to do or not to do something and most times I look back and say "we'll, let me just try it on my own" She does the same with me and then I have to run to her side, hold her in my arms and explain why it didn't work her way. Sometimes she needs a time out and as she kicks and screams to avoid the time out I hold her in my arms and explain to her why she needs a time out and she will look at me with tears in her arms and say "I'm sorry mama. I love you! I hold her and forgive her EVERY time because she is my child and I want what's best for her and for her to learn how she needs to live her life. That's me as a Christian. I fail him daily but he still holds me in his arms and tells me he loves me because I'm his child.
My main point is my job afforded me with a time of refinement for what God has planned for me next in my life. Perhaps I was only there to meet those two men that God used to speak to me. To learn and remember to Pray for clarity for Gods will for my life and then when he gives me the answers to listen to them and act accordingly.
Mahalo,
Adina
